wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
