he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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