Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
