I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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