I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
