I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
