apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
