Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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