After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
