I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
