Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
porn star boner night. come get it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
