Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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