The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
