should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
