No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
