That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
