Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
