I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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