Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
