I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
