Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
