So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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