i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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