:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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