I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
