I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
