My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
