new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
