And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think a kid would responsible me up
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
