They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
