If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
