I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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