their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
