if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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