I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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