my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
