we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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