my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
