I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
