you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
