All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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