Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
