I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
