My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
