He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
