I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
