i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
