i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
