Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
