So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
