Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
