Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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