you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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