NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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