I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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