He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
