Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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