im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
