I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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