In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
