i think my tv is drunk
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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