I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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