I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
