u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
