i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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