OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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