isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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