I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
