I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
