Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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