I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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