just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
