i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
