I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize