Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
