i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
